Second verse, same as the first

So here we are again. For those of you who aren't in the know (and I apologize if I haven't been able to reach out to you, individually), my cancer's back a little bit. This has all come up pretty quickly, so that's part of why I haven't reached out & emailed everyone.

So last year, I felt a lump right above my collarbone on the left (same side I had the cancer on - get your lumps checked, people!). Went to my primary care doctor who recommended going to see my oncologist (who was in the middle of moving to the Mayo Clinic!), or my surgeon. When I went to see my surgeon for my regular annual checkup, she recommended a biopsy of the lymph node, which came back positive. Boo. So bad news there. But the good news is, after a bone scan, ct scan, and pet scan, they're pretty sure it hasn't spread anywhere else. So this isn't considered metastatic, but a regional recurrence. Dr. Susan Love is almost dismissive of it in her book, which actually makes me feel a bit better! My new oncologist (who had my old oncologist as her resident back in the day-small world!) wasn't happy that this showed up while I was still on tamoxifen, bc the tamoxifen is supposed to stop any remaining cancer cells from being able to uptake estrogen. So she recommended chemo & radiation and surgery-the whole shebang.

So in the last three weeks, I've had surgery (which was the most painful of my life), a port put back in, and today was my first chemo. I will be taking time off of work this time, too. My tentative last date is March 15th, and I'll be off through June. Possibly a bit into July, but well see how I'm feeling. Then I'll have radiation, then a different hormonal therapy to completely block estrogen production. So hopefully after all this is done, I'll be through with cancer for good.

My mom is putting together a food list, so I can focus on relaxing! If you'd like to do something, and that something might involve feeding me, let me know & I'll put you on the list! Don't worry, some of you are already on it ;-) And let me know if you want to hang out any time, since I won't be working & and all.

So I'll be trying to keep this blog up to date again. Maybe I'll even finally post about the third day of the walk! If I can remember that far back...

All Done (Well, With Chemo)!

Hooray! I am done with chemo! I didn't have very much neuropathy at all since the penultimate chemo, so we went ahead with the last one. My oncologist was very happy at the progress, and said she thinks my surgeon will be pleasantly surprised. I have to admit, I had an odd feeling leaving the infusion unit for the last time - not sadness exactly, but sort of a bittersweet feeling. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad to be done. I guess b/c all the nurses were so nice, but I really, really don't want to ever have to see them again, in that context. Mom & I made cupcakes to show our appreciation. I hope they enjoyed them!

So at any rate, I am so glad to be done with chemo, though I still have a couple of days of feeling like crap ahead of me. Sigh. Yesterday I was doing ok until mid-afternoon, when I started my slow crash - we went to the mall & got me some under-eye bag concealer (when did I develop such dark circles??) and then swung by Lush real quick for some fun soaps - just a little treat! I got 2 - Figs & Leaves, and Ring of Roses. Yum yum. And since we got back, I've been feeling pretty cruddy. I've taken a couple of 2-hour naps today, and there might be a third coming up before bedtime. We shall see. I figure tomorrow will be a bad day, and Tuesday probably won't be so hot, either. I'm intending to sleep in the rest of the week. The cumulative effect is alive & well!

So to sum up: the good news is, I'm done with the chemo portion of our cancer journey. Next stop: the OR. Again!

Taxol #2

Well, I had my second Taxol treatment yesterday. I don't seem to have had as much of a reaction this time as last time. So far, at least. My face got a little red & warm, but not really itchy. I haven't taken a Benadryl, but I did rub some hydrocortisone cream on my face. I think I got just as drunk off the Bendryl drip yesterday as I did the prior time.

What I'm really hoping doesn't come back is the itchiness I started getting in my hands last Friday (just a week ago). My hands just started itching randomly & nothing would help. At first I thought "I just need some lotion." Well, I slathered my hands with lotion & they still itched. Turns out that's a manifestation of the neuropathy that can happen with Taxol. And this is something that can be permanent! Argh. My doctor told me to take vitamin B-6, which can provide some protection to the nerves. She also gave me a prescription of an anti-seizure medication that helps dull the firing nerves. The itching had started going away before my appointment, so I'm just hoping it stays away. B/c man! That itching! Drives me crazy!!

Today I also went for an acupuncture appointment. It was interesting. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it was different! She did what's called 'cupping', where she takes these glass cups & lights something inside them, then puts it on your skin over the needle (I think). The flame eats up the oxygen, so you wind up with a vacuum & it sucks your skin into the cup, so it stays. My big hope is that it'll help with the soreness that should be coming on tomorrow night. Hope hope! I really don't want to hurt like that again!

And in good news: Progress is being made! So hooray! I get to stay on the biweekly program. Which means my definite last chemo will be 4/16. 2 more to go! Yay! And hey, maybe there won't be much for my surgeon to take out.

I have also signed up for the 3-day walk here in DC in October! Keep an eye out for my fundraising letter! And if you'd like to join my team & walk with me, drop me a line & let me know!

Halfway Through!

Yowzer, it's been awhile since I posted anything. Well, the good news is, I'm halfway through chemo, and the lump is getting smaller. Hooray! I actually have to feel around to find it now - it almost feels like regular tissue. But it all seems to be going well. My last A+C treatment was Thursday, so I'm just in recovery mode right now. In two weeks, I'll start the Taxol regimen. That will be every two weeks for four rounds. So my next chemo appointments are March 5th, 19th, April 2nd & the last chemo will be April 16. Hooray! So not too much longer. Of course, then I'll have surgery and radiation, but eh, we'll deal with that later.

In hair news, I went over to my neighbors Randy & Glenn's house a couple of weeks ago & asked them to help me shave my head smooth. The little stubble I had was catching on the wigs & making it very uncomfortable. So they were great & pulled out the full-on shaving cream & razor (after the Manscaper wasn't quite doing it). Here's some pix:

Yes, that's some wine. How else are you going to shave your head?



Here's Glenn enjoying this a little too much, methinks.



"Did you just say 'oops'?? Eh, it'll grow back."



All done! Nice & smooth. And yes, you did a great job, Glenn. And boy, do I need some sun up there!

So my head was nice and smooth, and now some hair is still growing back! Man, I just assumed it would all fall out & stay out, but apparently not. It's just some of the hair, not all, and it's kind of annoying. Keep that razor out, guys, I might be coming back for some more! Thanks for the help! (and the vino!)

First Chemo

Yesterday was my first chemo. I had intended to write a second posting after my update, but it went pretty quickly. I got up there about 8:45am & we were out of there by 12:30pm. I was kind of surprised at that. Pleasantly, though. They try to make it as nice as possible, but you know, it's still a chemo unit. The port worked as advertised, except for the less pain part. Ow! Man, that hurt like ca-razy. It shouldn't hurt as much next time because a) I'll be more than a week & a half out from the port implant procedure & b) my doctor prescribed lidocaine. So I will put that on about 45 minutes before I got in for my next infusion & then I shouldn't feel it. Phew! Here's hoping.

I'm feeling ok. A little tired. I went to bed early last night, but then I got sucked into this book I've been reading, so it was about 10:15 when I finally shut out the light. Which is still a lot earlier than I normally go to sleep - especially on a weekend. But I feel mostly fine. Yesterday I felt like I was starting to get the flu a little - just sort of headachy & a little sore. I feel better now. Not much headache left. Still tired though. I fell asleep at halftime of the basketball game & woke up & they had switched to some other game. So I was pretty out for probably at least 1/2 hour. The dry mouth came on immediately though. Bleah! More water! I don't feel dehydrated - except for my mouth. I think I need to start chewing gum more. I must remember to tell Mom that for stocking stuffers for me. Yes, I still get a stocking. Shut up!

Ports & Egg Harvesting

This past week has gone really quickly. I had a port put in last Tuesday, which was an interesting procedure. Mostly because I wasn't under for it, unlike every other surgical procedure I've ever had done. I was totally out even for my wisdom teeth extraction! I was under sedation, but not so heavy it put me to sleep. I did try to fall asleep, but because I was being jostled around as the doctor was putting the port in, I wasn't quite able to get there. They also use a local around the surgical site, but you're still getting jostled. At one point I remember going "Ow". I vaguely remember someone saying "Give her more local." I was much more eloquent in my head than just "Ow." Like "Excuse me, doctor. I know you're busy, but perchance could I have a little more local anesthetic in the region you're operating on? I seem to be able to feel something more than I believe I should." Also: "Pardon me. I hate to be so fussy, I understand you're all very busy. I know I asked for a warming blanket upon my arrival in this chilly room, but I seem to have become overheated. Would it be too much trouble to ask for the blanket to be turned down? Thank you ever so much." came out as "Too hot." Ah well, I was never that . . . uh . . . good. With words. So it's in now & it's healing. My chest is all yellow on that side, so that's hot.

So now I have the port, so I hopefully won't get collapsed veins. Which I was worried about this past week because of all the blood I've had drawn for my various fertility treatments. I had blood drawn & vaginal ultrasounds on Friday 12/5, Tuesday 12/9, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday 12/11-12/13. Apparently I, uh, ripened, a little quicker than they thought because they had me take the trigger injection last night at 8PM. They were very specific about that time. And I have to report to Rockville at 6AM on Monday!!! Man, that's going to be tough. And the procedure isn't even for a couple of hours after I check in. So this should be interesting. I guess they use the same type ultrasound I've been using the past week & a half, but it's got a needle attached. They go through the vaginal wall to retrieve the eggs. Things seem to be going well & I think I should have something like 8 or 10 eggs. But I'm not sure. Will report back later.

Last week, I also went to a 'Look Good...Feel Better' session. Look Good...Feel Better is a free service to women to help them (us) with the physical changes that accompany cancer treatments. It was nice. There were 3 of us - all for breast cancer. One of the other 2 had had chemo about a week earlier, but her hair hadn't started falling out yet. And what hair! Long and thick! Like mine. Beautiful! So we got some makeup tips, and some information on what we can expect from our skin. Apparently chemo is drying, so we got lots of lotions & moisturizers. And we learned the importance of cleaning your face twice a day, which . . . I should be better about anyway. We each came away with a little goody bag of cleansers, moisturizers, and makeup which were graciously donated by a bunch of companies. My bag had stuff from Avon, Revlon, Mary Kay, Aveda, Bobbi Brown, St. Ives, and several others (uh, I'm at the library, so I don't have it with me). Oh, I got 3 sample sizes (like ketchup packet-sized) of Udder Cream! I'm looking forward to smearing that on my . . . skin. Hm. Looking at their website, one of their products contains 10% urea. Which is . . . yeah, you know. Anyways, it was a fun & informative session. Everyone (er, everyone with cancer) should go to one - they have a version for men and for teens, too. After leaving the session, I had to walk through the lobby of the Cancer Center, where they were having a Christmas party for kids. Some were children of people who are patients at the cancer center, others are patients themselves. It was really sweet, but really sad at the same time. I mean, no kid should have to deal with this. I had to leave quickly, before I became the sobbing woman at the childrens' party.

I also went to an intro to chemo session at the hospital. They went through the logistics of chemo. You come up to here, check in, then they'll bring you back here. You can have guests, they have wifi (hello, live- blogging!), they have tvs at each chair. They provide lunch, if you're around then, but you can also byo. So, hey, it'll be like a little party in there. Except for the all the sick people. Man, we are always bringing things down!

Schedule for this week: Egg retrieval Monday 12/15, CT scan & MUGA Wednesday 12/17, and first chemo Friday 12/19. So I imagine my hair will start falling out after the new year. Siiiiiiigh. In that vein, look for an upcoming post about my wig shopping.

Holy Cow

Man, I'm going to have a busy couple of weeks coming up. I met with my oncologist (Dr. Liu) today & she has given me a to-do list & yowzer! I have to go in & get some blood work done (missed the clinic hours by thismuch). I also have to make an appointment to get a CT scan (to see if there are any other spots we need to worry about (fingers crossed)), and a heart scan (to get a baseline for my heart function because one of my chemo meds apparently (in very rare cases) can be toxic to your heart. Which means possibly in 5-10 years I could be having congestive heart failure. Siiigh.), and then sometime next week I'll have my port put in so I can preserve my right arm veins. I don't want to wind up like Keith Richards or Amy Winehouse & have all collapsed veins in my arms (well, arm - since I can't have blood or any needles put in my left arm anymore, there's not much chance of that, I guess). Ugh! I think they have to take blood through your toes or something then. Or is that where the addicts inject themselves when they've run out of arm veins? Anyways. So the port will go in & then I can start with chemo, which is scheduled for the 19th. This is all dependent, of course, if you've been following my menstrual saga, on me actually getting my period in the next couple of days. Argh! So here's hoping. Stupid Aunt Flo! When will you get here?! And in case anyone has that in the back of their mind - no, I'm not pregnant. My middle name is Mary, not my first. And I've got my scrip for my "cranial prosthesis". Dr. Liu says that insurance companies won't fill the prescription if the scrip says "wig". So there's your little trivia factoid for the day. And with that, I'm off! Tons to do. Panic, panic, panic - hope I don't forget anything. Oooh, tomorrow's the big (hair) day! Wish me luck - I hope I like what he does to me. I'll have my camera along to record for posterity.