Halfway Through!

Yowzer, it's been awhile since I posted anything. Well, the good news is, I'm halfway through chemo, and the lump is getting smaller. Hooray! I actually have to feel around to find it now - it almost feels like regular tissue. But it all seems to be going well. My last A+C treatment was Thursday, so I'm just in recovery mode right now. In two weeks, I'll start the Taxol regimen. That will be every two weeks for four rounds. So my next chemo appointments are March 5th, 19th, April 2nd & the last chemo will be April 16. Hooray! So not too much longer. Of course, then I'll have surgery and radiation, but eh, we'll deal with that later.

In hair news, I went over to my neighbors Randy & Glenn's house a couple of weeks ago & asked them to help me shave my head smooth. The little stubble I had was catching on the wigs & making it very uncomfortable. So they were great & pulled out the full-on shaving cream & razor (after the Manscaper wasn't quite doing it). Here's some pix:

Yes, that's some wine. How else are you going to shave your head?



Here's Glenn enjoying this a little too much, methinks.



"Did you just say 'oops'?? Eh, it'll grow back."



All done! Nice & smooth. And yes, you did a great job, Glenn. And boy, do I need some sun up there!

So my head was nice and smooth, and now some hair is still growing back! Man, I just assumed it would all fall out & stay out, but apparently not. It's just some of the hair, not all, and it's kind of annoying. Keep that razor out, guys, I might be coming back for some more! Thanks for the help! (and the vino!)

An Elegy for Hair

My hair, my hair, my hair. I have always taken my hair for granted, I guess. I just always had fantastic, beautiful, thick hair. It's been a part of my identity in ways I never really thought about. I was lucky enough to not have to worry with such things as thickening or volumizing shampoos or conditioners or mousses. I still used them back in high school, but hey, it was the 80s. A friend called me Lion because of how big I would tease my hair. Ever since I was old enough to make the decision, I chose to have long hair. Or, at the least, be in the process of growing it out. And out and out and out, I did. In college, my hair was down to my waist. The first time I cut my hair of my own accord was after college when I decided I needed a change. I cut over a foot off. I only wish I had known about Locks of Love back then. And, just to emphasize how much hair I actually have, after cutting my hair off, I stopped having the headaches that would plague me from time to time back then. I would get several a year. After cutting it, I would get maybe one a year, if that. I started growing it out again almost immediately. By the time I moved to Bermuda, it was down my back again - not as long as in college, but still pretty long. Again, I was ready for a change, so I cut it shorter than it had been since kindergarten - almost a pixie cut (except it's too thick to lie that flat). That time I had heard of Locks of Love, so I donated over ten inches. Again, I started growing it out almost immediately. Last year, I decided it was time for a change again, so I gradually cut it shorter & shorter. I had been getting it highlighted (meaning I couldn't donate to Locks of Love), so there was no one big haircut that time. I had started growing it out (sans coloring) earlier this year, with the intention of getting it long enough to donate to Locks of Love again when I got my diagnosis. I guess I'm just happy that I didn't get it to that long point before it started falling out. The falling out has started, though, so I need to face facts. I'll soon be bald. I won't have my protective cover anymore. Nothing to hide behind. I cleaned my sink off, wiping the strands of hair off that are starting to fall, more and more every day. Soon there will be strands on my pillow, and more washing out with the shampoo. Down down down, swirling around the drain, falling on the counter, swept into the trash. At some point I'll have to pick up those clippers and take start cutting. Taking control of my fate, I'm sure some people would call it. Giving in to the inevitable, others might. I don't know if I'll feel if either of those are quite right. I just know I'm not ready for it. I guess nobody ever really is. And while I appreciate the various "I bet you'll be a good-looking bald lady", it doesn't help. Nothing really does. Nothing really will. Not until I'm either used to it or it starts growing back in. So in the meantime, I'll be that lady. The one with no hair. Oh, that poor woman, she must be having chemo. It must be cancer. Tut, tut, and all that rot. So adieu, cheaveux. It's been a fun ride. I'll see you on the flip side.

My New New Hair

Ok, I am finally posting pictures of my new new hair. So this all happened Tuesday, almost 2 weeks ago. I went in for what I thought was a two hour 'do (a two hour 'doooooo). It turned into an eight hour thang. Holy cow! And my neck was killing me at the end of it. I never thought that being a hair model could be so difficult. So basically I was one of many guinea pigs Vidal Sassoon was using to demonstrate (to the good workers of the salon) the new color palette and hair cuts of the season. It's not anything I would have picked for myself, but I am digging it. It's super funky & the kind of thing I like to think I would have done in college, if I hadn't had a ton of hair & a lack of money. Eh, maybe I wouldn't have, but whatever. So here they are:

Sassy!


Here's the overhead view. That orange zigzag streak? Is ORANGE. I mean, like road sign orange. Neon orange. Creamsicle orange.


And side B. In my hair dresser's defense, this is a couple of days after the actual hair styling. I was exhausted that night, so I didn't take any pictures. This is my first attempt at styling it after washing it. I have it pretty well approximated, I think. He actually did some flat-ironing, so it was smoother, but hey, suck it up. This is the best you're getting. And if you don't like, well, you won't have to look at it very long. So, hey, silver lining! Ha ha!


How you like me now?

Finally!

Agh, finally, I got my period. So I suppose I'll be going in tomorrow for my pre-testing and then I get to start taking the hormone shots (shudder) Saturday (see how I used the passive voice there? I'm still in denial about giving myself injections). Oh joy. However, this probably means I'll have to put off my first chemo treatment from the 19th (when we had it originally scheduled). Unless my eggs start popping right quick. Hm. Well, I'm not going to worry about that too much at the moment. Trying to be zen about it all. Ommmmm. So here's my tentative schedule for the next couple of weeks (how fun!):
Tuesday 12/9 having mediport put in (for those of you wondering 'what's a mediport?' - it's a temporary portal they put in on your unaffected side (the right side, in my case) that they can then put the injections directly into, instead of having to put a new IV in every time you go for chemo. It dumps into the big vein that goes into your heart, so that's a little nerve-wracking. Here's a Wiki article about it, if you want more info). I keep having the word 'heliport' pop in my head, so I get images of little toy helicopters landing on my right clavicle.
Wednesday 12/10 going to a 'look better, feel better' (something like that) class. I think they give you makeup and makeup tips, and hair info.
Thursday 12/11 intro to chemo class. Tour of the infusion facilities, among other things.
Wednesday 12/17 CT scan & heart scan. The CT scan is to check & see if there are any other potential trouble spots - i.e. if the cancer has spread. Fingers crossed that it hasn't. The heart scan is to check out my heart function (oooh, damn you, curly fries & mozzarella sticks - why are you so tasty??) b/c one of the chemo drugs has the unfortunate (but fortunately rare) side effect of inducing congestive heart failure. Which is different from just plain old bad ticker-itis, b/c it's a chronic condition that can be controlled. I think the main difference (could be wrong - I need a dr. to weigh in here) is that CHF is a weakness or damage of the muscle of the heart - whereas we typically think of heart attacks being caused by plaque build-up in the arteries. So I guess that actually lets the cheese fries off the hook! I forgive you, cheese fries. How can I stay mad at you?? Anyways, this is something that probably wouldn't show up for 5-10 years, so I'm having a heart scan to see if my ticker's ok, and to get a baseline for the future. Again - here's hoping it's fine.

Sometime, amongst all these things, over the next 2 weeks, I'll be going in several times for varous visits to have multiple vaginal ultrasounds. Fun, fun. And then I'll go in for the ova extraction, which will involve sleepytime anesthesia. Yawn!

Oh yeah, and I went in for my hair-modeling hairdo. It is wild. I have to say, it's nothing I ever would have picked for myself. But I'm digging it. And I intend to get pix up here sometime soon. So watch this space for that!

Holy Cow

Man, I'm going to have a busy couple of weeks coming up. I met with my oncologist (Dr. Liu) today & she has given me a to-do list & yowzer! I have to go in & get some blood work done (missed the clinic hours by thismuch). I also have to make an appointment to get a CT scan (to see if there are any other spots we need to worry about (fingers crossed)), and a heart scan (to get a baseline for my heart function because one of my chemo meds apparently (in very rare cases) can be toxic to your heart. Which means possibly in 5-10 years I could be having congestive heart failure. Siiigh.), and then sometime next week I'll have my port put in so I can preserve my right arm veins. I don't want to wind up like Keith Richards or Amy Winehouse & have all collapsed veins in my arms (well, arm - since I can't have blood or any needles put in my left arm anymore, there's not much chance of that, I guess). Ugh! I think they have to take blood through your toes or something then. Or is that where the addicts inject themselves when they've run out of arm veins? Anyways. So the port will go in & then I can start with chemo, which is scheduled for the 19th. This is all dependent, of course, if you've been following my menstrual saga, on me actually getting my period in the next couple of days. Argh! So here's hoping. Stupid Aunt Flo! When will you get here?! And in case anyone has that in the back of their mind - no, I'm not pregnant. My middle name is Mary, not my first. And I've got my scrip for my "cranial prosthesis". Dr. Liu says that insurance companies won't fill the prescription if the scrip says "wig". So there's your little trivia factoid for the day. And with that, I'm off! Tons to do. Panic, panic, panic - hope I don't forget anything. Oooh, tomorrow's the big (hair) day! Wish me luck - I hope I like what he does to me. I'll have my camera along to record for posterity.

36 Hours in the Life of My Hair

Here's my hair Saturday morning. Ok, it wasn't totally styled - it should be almost stick straight, but a) it was raining, and b) I was due for a trim. But look at it! So shiny! So healthy! So . . . well, not long, but at the start of getting there!



And here's my hair Saturday afternoon. Side A:



And Side B:



I told my stylist to do whatever he wanted, just make sure it can be wash & go, since I don't have a lot of energy these days. It's all I can do to get out of bed, let alone style my hair. Makeup is right out. So this is what he came up with. I like it! And now for something I can't blame on anyone but myself. Ha ha! I kid. I think it turned out well, many thanks to my intrepid helpers Nichole, Molly, and Candy.

Step 1: Put on Vaseline, to prevent skin dying.



Step 2: Apply dye (colour name: Pomegranate).



No, my hair isn't already red here. I guess it's just Nikki's shirt reflecting on my head. But, hey, preview!

Step 3: Wait for 25 minutes.



Step 4: Style as usual. Bonus step: match hair to 'after' & see how close it was.



Step 5: Check out your rockin' self! Holy crap! I can't believe that worked!



Thanks once again to Candy, Molly, and Nikki! You guys are the best!